Stories

There are some days in ministry that I wonder if God wasn’t crazy to call me into God’s service. Moses’ question in Exodus 3:11 (see below) becomes the very question that I ask myself and of God: Who am I? I ask this often in a self-deprecatory way because this is how I was socialized even though I was an excellent student and excellent employee. Even as a pastor, I often still ask myself: Who do you think you are?

I wish I could tell Moses all the great things God would do through him, even with all his doubts of ability and the massive criticism lodged at him from the very people he was called to save. So let me tell you that God’s call on your life is not based on your ability to perform

There are a few phrases and words I use every day in my life. At work and home, I catch myself saying “hope” a lot. As I try to keep everyone thinking positively, “I hope so” or “hopefully” seem to roll off my tongue.

As I write this, though, our parsonage fridge decided to go on sabbatical. And this morning, my spouse was busy getting ready for a funeral he was leading. Since I could tell that baking soda would not conquer the smells coming from the fridge, it was time to say “adios” to the trash and haul it to the nearby dump.

It feels like a distant memory now, being in a large crowd. But I do remember trying to navigate crowds with two kids in tow. “Stay close,” I would say, and eventually grab their wrists so I could keep hold of them as I would try to navigate to our exit. The only way I felt like I wouldn’t lose them was to stay connected. Hand – in – hand.

I feel like that might be what Jesus is saying to his disciples in John 15 (below). He is preparing them for the time when he will not be there: “Connect to me, now, while I’m here, so you will know how to stay connected when I am not here anymore.”

“My mother used to say,” the 95-year old church matriarch began (a phrase which usually indicated surprising humor or deep wisdom would follow), “your sacrificing years are the best ones; so don’t complain!” Her eyes twinkled as she gazed into my sleep-deprived eyes of early parenthood. Then she winked and squeezed my hand, because we both knew that there was indeed a right and holy time for some complaining. Especially when lack of sleep is involved.

Still, her mother’s words have stayed with me.