Since 2019, the Center for Leadership Excellence, in partnership with COSROW, has been lifting up the voices of lay and clergywomen in ministry through Encouragements—monthly emails designed to inspire, encourage, and offer practical ways for women in ministry to support one another. This month, we’re honored to share words from Becca Detterman, associate pastor of Wesley Memorial in Wilmington.

Anyone can sign up to receive Encouragements—and the full archive of past emails is available for you to explore. Please share this link with lay and clergywomen in ministry who might be interested.

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to abandon you, to turn back from following after you. Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.”
Ruth 1:16 (CEB)

There’s something about people who show up. Maybe they’re family—the ones with whom we share genes, traditions, and stories. Maybe they’re friends—the family we choose, the people we look at and say, “You know what, I like this one. I think I’ll keep them around.” Maybe you’re still waiting for those people. But I hope, I pray, that you have some of them in your life.

We live in a world that often treats friendships as disposable. We’ve been conditioned to think relationships are only worth keeping if they’re easy. When they require too much, we move on. But the kind of friendship God calls us to is different. Holy friendships aren’t about convenience. They are distinct because they are rooted in God’s love and woven into God’s ongoing story. They shape us, sustain us, and transform us.

Dr. Vivek Murthy, former U.S. Surgeon General, spent years listening to stories of loneliness and longing for connection. His first suggestion? “Devote at least fifteen minutes a day connecting with those you care most about.”

I can already hear the objections: “Fifteen minutes? I barely have five!” But think about it. Could your lunch break be spent reaching out to someone? Could you use your drive time to call a friend?

The deeper your friendship, the more your lives intertwine and influence each other’s stories. But this doesn’t happen overnight. Good friendships cook in a crockpot, not a microwave.

That is the friendship we are invited into—and the friendship we are called to offer the world. May we be people who show up, who walk alongside one another, who challenge and encourage each other, and who reflect the unshakable love of God in the way we love our friends.

In partnership,
Center for Leadership Excellence and the Commission on the Status and Role of Women