Reflective listening is a powerful tool for connection. In reflective listening, you listen and reflect what you have heard the speaker say. Teaching reflective listening in a blog post is a little challenging. Let’s give it a whirl with a sample dialogue.
Person: I am exhausted. The baby was crying all night long.
Me: That sounds like a quite a night.
Person: It sure was. My partner is on a business trip so I am on my own. Two more nights to go.
Me: Two more possibly long nights to go.
Person: You’ve got that right My partner travels a lot for work. I work outside the home, too. I’ll be glad when my partner gets home and I can get a break.
Even though I wrote the exchange, it reflects my experience of how people will begin to tell you more of their story when you indicate that you are listening.
Reflective listening requires practice. It can feel awkward or robotic at first. Keep at it! People will show if you got it right. You may see a head nodding “yes” or hear the speaker say, “Exactly!” when you are on the mark. The speaker will often say more. If you have missed the mark, the speaker will often correct you with a “No” and repeat the statement. Or, the speaker might try to say the same thing in a slightly different way.
Reflective listening reduces anxiety, creates authentic connection, and honors the image of God in another human being. There is no more effective technique in conflict transformation.